Dear Deaconess Debra,
I hope that you can assist me with my situation. I have struggled with drug addiction for the last five years. My attempts at sobriety have been unsuccessful after multiple failed attempts. I grew up up in an extremely abusive home as a child. As a result, I suffer from extreme post-traumatic stress disorder as an adult.
To assist me with coping with this horrific never-ending condition, I started using street drugs. At first, I thought I had the
usage under control. Initially, I would only use it socially when I was hanging out with my friends a couple of times of the month. Then my usage increased to weekends as I began to desire the drugs more. Before I knew it, I had become an addict with a daily habit.I work at my family’s business, so I have maintained employment and a decent income despite my habit. My parents and siblings are aware; however, they don’t realize that I am a daily drug-using junkie.
My challenge is that I am a Deaconess at my church. One of my most important clergy roles is to participate in Baptism service. I feel so guilty and convicted when participating in this sacred ritual,knowing that I am a druggie. My pastor and the church do not know about my secret life. First Sunday is coming again, and I cannot bring myself to assist with the ceremony. However, the pastor is counting on me. I need to be getting in the water myself and getting purified.
What do you suggest I do to remedy this situation?
Signed,
Judith, the Junkie
Dear Judith,
Both post-traumatic stress disorder and chemical dependency are powerful personal demons to wrestle with. I am so sorry that you grew up in an environment that was detrimental to your mental health. Unfortunately, you are not alone in this struggle, with millions of others in America suffering also.
Your family’s denial is enabling and has not helped you. You have not had to “hit bottom” or get to a point where you had severe consequences of addiction. Since you have been employed, I assume you have maintained a roof over your head, food, and safety. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon that folks will lose their homes, nutritional needs, and jobs while using. This is when they typically wind up homeless or in a shelter and resort to illicit and illegal behaviors to support their vices.
With that being said, there is hope on the horizon. Many individuals with addictions have been able to maintain sobriety with assistance. This help includes but is not limited to prayer, individual and group counseling, detoxification, a 12-Step program, having a sponsor, and staying away from the environments and people that will be a trigger or risk for you to use again. The Serenity Prayer is widely accepted with the chemically dependent population. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” Please try and refrain from speaking about yourself negatively by referring to yourself as a junkie. It is a self-defeating practice. Instead, you must speak life into yourself and believe that you can be healed from your desire for drugs. I realize that you recognize that you are using drugs as a coping mechanism to mask your pain. However, there is help available. Contact SAMSHA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services
Administration) at 1-800-662-4357 to begin the crucial first step toward your sobriety.
In regards to your participation in Baptism. I suggest that you focus on getting the treatment that you need at this time and nothing else. Inform your pastor that you are dealing with some serious issues and would like to take a break from clergies responsibilities. I am positive that he/she will understand and give you the time that you need. Once you have maintained sobriety, then feel free to step back into the role and get baptized if you desire. 2 Corinthians 5:17 states: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,
he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
Please know that I will be praying for your healing and success!
Blessings,
Deaconess Debra
