Dear Deaconess Debra,
My wife Pamela and I recently joined a new church in the city we relocated to. It is progressive, spirit filled and growing,which is very similar to our former church. Pamela is a new minister and was ordained a few months prior to our move.
She did have an opportunity to preach her trial sermon, however she is continuing her tutelage under our present pastor. I am concerned that my wife and Reverend Jackson are often alone
together for extended periods of time.
From my understanding this is for specialized leadership “bible study”, ministering and sermon writing.In addition to their time together, Pastor texts her all times of the night about “church matters”. I have expressed my uneasiness to Pamela, but she’s dismissive to my concerns and chalks it up to insecurity about her new role.
I do trust my wife, but I believe she is being naïve and influenced by the preacher. Since she doesn’t take my feelings seriously, I’m thinking about stepping to Pastor Jackson and letting him know to back up off my wife. What do you suggest?
Signed,
Sidepiece Steve
Dear Sidepiece Steve,
You are married to Pamela not Pastor Jackson. Your allegiance is to her and to her alone. I would strongly suggest having a sit-down conversation with Pamela about your feelings. Be diplomatic but firm in your tone, concerns, and feelings of disrespect. Advise her that such constant and close proximity to another male increases her risk for temptation.
Make a plan together of what is considered off limits, for example no phone calls after 8:00 PM
unless the church is on fire. If there is truly nothing amiss then she will likely comply.
However, if she hesitates, blames you for insecurity or comes up with a flimsy excuse then you know that there may be more to their ministering.
Share these scriptures with her: 1 Corinthians 7:2 “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband”. “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” II Timothy 2:22
I don’t think it would be advantageous to “step to” the preacher if Pamela doesn’t have your back. Then it will be just testosterone bumping. He will accuse you of not being supportive of your wife, the church, the mission, disrespectful, etc. and may even preach a sermon about you. Please update me on how it turns out.
Blessings,
Deaconess Debra
