When was the last time you prayed for your spouse?
For every married couple, the first time we truly prayed together, was the day of our wedding. Our prayer came in the form of our vows. They were words spoken to each other in love. We promised that in ‘sickness and in health’, no obstacle would ever come between us. We solidified this promise – this prayer with a kiss, in front of family, friends and God.
One of the funniest things I ever saw was this couple who had been married for over 60 years. They were so ‘in-tune’ with each other, that they would finish each other’s sentences. What was so funny to me, was how the husband would answer almost everything with a ‘yup, whatever she said’. I’m thinking, she must’ve beat him down and had him trained so well, that he agreed to everything she said. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ll return to this couple later.
Of all the things marriage is supposed to do, it is supposed to bring us closer to Christ. In Ephesians, we see how Paul instructs ‘husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it…’ (Ephesians 5:25) So the question becomes, “How did Christ show His love for the church”? Past, Present and Future.
The Past
Jesus knew that we were all imperfect, so He loved us still
Our past is often the one thing that will dictate so much of our lives, whether married or not. Some spouses never let you forget, while others seem to use it as a way to see you. Forgiveness is essential in marriage and in life. I’ve often found it strange how some Believers will ask God to ‘forgive us of our trespasses…’, yet are so unwilling to extend the same grace and love to their closest friend. The pinnacle of love in marriage must be ‘Agape’. The self-less, sacrificial, unconditional love that Christ has shown us all and continues to show us.
PRAYER – Dear Heavenly Father, help me to let go of my husband’s/ wife’s past. Help me to see them, as you see them. Create in me a heart and mind to forgive, and learn to let go of things behind us. In Jesus name… Amen.
Let me go back to the couple I mentioned earlier. Being a young Marine back in the early 80’s, I was so very uninterested in marriage, yet, I’ve always been drawn to wisdom. I’ve always loved to sit down and listen to ‘Old Folks’, regardless of what they were talking about. What I didn’t know initially about them, was that the wife had been a Heroin addict for almost 8 years and had done some very unscrupulous things to attain her next fix. This life started nearly 3 years after they got married. For what seemed like a lifetime, the husband did everything he could to get her clean and it seemed no matter what he did, she’d somehow manage to earn money for her drugs. In today’s society, it’s hard to come by a spouse so dedicated to another. We separate and divorce over some of the most trivial things, and still look to be blessed by God.
Eight years he had to endure his wife’s addiction. Eight years of strange men and the very real potential for disease. When I asked him why, he said with a smile, ‘once upon a time, someone was even more patient with me’. He said it didn’t matter what it was, just that it was his turn to return the favor. With an even wider smile, he said, ‘I got lucky, because it was my wife’. I asked what was the key, what was that one factor that made her change possible. He described how at night, whether in bed or on a blanket in a homeless camp, he would pray loud enough, so she could hear him. Some short prayers, and some long ones, but each one coming from his heart.
I asked him to describe ‘the day’ she came around and what it was like. He said they had been going to church, on and off for about six months, and that one night she woke him up and asked him why he prays so much for her. That’s when his wife said out loud, ‘Because you got a cold’! They both laughed as she patted the top of his hand. When he saw complete confusion on my face, he simply said, ‘in sickness and in health’. In a very adolescent way, I understood. She was sick, and he was giving her medicine.
About a year after she had finished her rehabilitation program, they asked their pastor to pray over their hands. The pastor thought it was odd, and asked them why. They both said, “Because every time we hold hands, or touch each other, we want it to glorify The Lord”.
This whole dialog began so many years ago, because I saw them holding hands. I thought it was funny, and my immaturity caused me to snicker loud enough that she heard me. My mother would have probably smacked me, as I learned very young, not to ‘judge a book by its cover’.
Many couples today fantasize about longevity in their marriage. It’s easy to look beyond the current issues and see a happier and more loving union. We have to understand that having a happy and loving marriage is part of God’s Will. It is not a dream – deferred.
Look for Part 2 in our next issue – THE PRESENT
Socrates Williams
