Dear Deaconess Debra,
My husband and I recently joined a new church after relocating to a new city in the North. A few months later, we were ordained as a Deacon and Deaconess. We love the church as it is very family oriented. There are also multiple generations of congregants from babies to grandparents. The pastor is very progressive. However, the majority of the church body is very traditional in regard to expected Sunday attire. At our former church home, the apparel was much more casual. The wardrobe restrictions are beginning to be a bit of a challenge for me especially on First Sundays. The Deaconesses typically wear all white dresses on those Sundays. I do not mind wearing white and actually think it’s a beautiful display of comradely and respect. However, I don’t like wearing dresses especially given that the weather is a much colder climate than our prior Southern home. As such, I wore pants to worship on the first Sunday last month. Unfortunately, my clothing choice raised some eyebrows and disapproval stares.
In addition, several of the women elders shared their disdain verbally to me. I do not want to be out of order. However, I do want to be warm and comfortable. I also feel as if this tradition is very patriarchal. What do you suggest I do?
Signed,
Sister Proud Pants
Greetings Sister Proud Pants,
I can only imagine how excited you and your husband must have been to have found a new church home that you love. I can also empathize the sadness that you feel in regard to the traditional attire expectations. I would suggest that at the next Deaconess meeting that you bring the topic up. Be transparent about your concerns about warmth and tradition. Listen to the other members share what their thoughts and reasoning are behind wearing dresses. Some of their points may resonate with you and change your
mind. Or you may still stand on your belief. Either way, you are not wrong. If you decide to do the later. Express the following and use the following scriptures as your back-up. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”Proverbs 31:25 For if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile raiment; And ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing, and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor,
Stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool: Are ye not then partial in yourselves, and are become judges of evil thoughts? James 2:2-4 Prayerfully, they will receive the biblical message. Please know, that what is most important is your reverence for God
and how you treat his people, not that you are wearing pants. If the problems persists, take your concerns to the Pastor to address formally to the Board.
Many blessings and success!
Deaconess Debra
