unfortunately, there are far too many children in need of a stable home and a loving family. Recent federal data states that over 400,000 kids nationwide are in the foster care system awaiting adoptions that may never
come. For children that are older, have health needs, are of color, and/or have siblings, finding permanent placement is even more challenging. Thankfully ten of those children no longer have that issue to worry about thanks to Trelawney McCoy. Ms. McCoy was raised by both of her parents and grew up the second oldest child of five siblings. She enjoyed her childhood and reports that by being a part of a large family you always had someone to play with. Friends and cousins would gravitate to her family’s home because there was guaranteed to be a lot of kids, food, and fun to be had there. As an adult she always craved to have a large family of her own.
As a divorcee with only one biological child, she decided to pursue foster care to fill in the gap and to be a positive influence on children. Ms. McCoy quickly learned after fostering children that it was extremely tough emotionally to let a child go back into the foster care system after you have been raising them in your home. The foster care system requires, that a Termination of Parental Rights (TPR’s) are started within 18 to 24 months after a child has been placed in foster care, which gives that foster home the option to adopt or have the child removed to an adoption home. The data highlights that the longer a child remains within the foster care system, the less likely they are to be adopted. Ms. McCoy remarks, that she could not see the kids going into yet another foster home when she is all they have ever known. While she was fostering her three oldest boys, there came a time where she had to make a decision to adopt all of them or be forced to let them all go back in the “system”. At this point she had had the children from the time they were babies at 1, 2 and 3 years of age.
They were then respectfully 6, 7 and 8 and the only mother the boys had known. She decided to take a leap of faith and become a forever family to the handsome siblings. As the years have passed, Ms. McCoy went on to adopt two more sibling groups. This includes a biological brother and sister, and three sisters that make up this large and extended family. She has also recently begin fostering again and has a fourth sibling group within the home of two little boys. Today her nine children’s ages range from four to thirty-four! Adopting is not without its own unique set of challenges. Each child as an individual, always needs something to meet their specific needs. With such varying ages this juggling takes organizing of the highest degree. However, Ms. McCoy believes in finding balance and keeping the children active through recreational activities and volunteer service. She is able to meet this need by serving as the President of the Rochester Rams Pop Warner football and cheer program. To which all of the children have grown up actively participating in. Some of the older children presently coach some of the teams! In addition, every year the children participate in the neighborhood Clean Sweep to assist with beautifying the community.
She remarks that having an organizational structure is not only beneficial but necessary. For example, mealtimes are understandably busy. The older girls help with meal preparation, and then a line forms for the youngest to be served first. Then they all sit down together to enjoy the harvest. Food is often prepared in bulk, so that there is always more than enough for everyone and several helpings. Both bed and bath time schedules form a similar pattern of the youngest going first. Ms. McCoy believes it to be divine intervention that her children do not suffer from typical issues that some adoptive children may have. Such as abandonment, which are feelings of anger or resentment towards the biological parents for not being present. She credits this to having the children come into her home initially as infants or toddlers and being the only parent, they have known in that capacity. In this manner she has an opportunity to mold and shape them with her child rearing, mannerisms and customs versus the child having to adjust to every household they go to.
In addition, she cites open adoptions (a process in which the children have an opportunity to form relationships with their biological family members), as another formula for success for family transition. The children are never left wondering whom “their people are”. Upon reflecting after over twenty years of rebuilding lives, she shares that she never imagined having a family of this magnitude. As a child growing up, she states that she could have never fathomed one of her siblings growing up separately from her. Raising sibling groups is a source of pride for Ms. McCoy, because the kids are growing up with their own blood kinfolk.
She remarks that when the Lord closes her eyes, the siblings will still have each other. The process can be long, confusing, timely, and mentally taxing but worth it. Sometimes the child’s biological parents and other family members can create additional emotional challenges, but she says keep pushing
